Sven's life in Oz

I shall let you into a little secret: I don’t pay for my electricity. Not through choice, although I can’t say that I wouldn’t choose free power given the option, but rather through a combination of good luck and bad management. Obviously I shan’t name the company in question, but I will tell you all about it and hope they don’t find out.

When I moved out of the flat James and I shared and into my current home, I transferred the existing electricity account. (We had set it up in my name originally, so it was quite straightforward.) I told the company my new address, had them send final bills for the old place to me at my new home (thus confirming they knew I had moved), and confirmed that I would continue to pay my bills monthly via direct debit. That was last August. I haven’t heard a peep out of them since.

At first I thought I was not receiving a bill, but I was sure they would still charge me. I watched my account religiously, waiting for an unexpected amount to disappear overnight, whereupon I would ring them, berate them and get the matter sorted. Nothing happened. I convinced myself that I was being billed quarterly – no big deal, since I had budgeted monthly and the money was simply sitting there waiting to be spent. Three months went by and still nothing happened. By now I had over $250 waiting to be claimed. I was starting to get attached to the money, but expecting it to go at any moment. It’s still there.

Now, nearly seven months on I’ve got twice as much money sitting in my account, looking at me, waiting to be spent. Now it’s just getting silly. As far as I can see, I have three choices:

1. Tell the electricity company they haven’t been charging me for the past six months. Pay the bill. No harm done.
2. Don’t tell the electricity company and, when they find out, tell them I decided to leave them, then blame them for not transferring me to my new provider properly.
3. Move home when my lease is up and don’t leave a forwarding address.

#3 is a bad idea because I like my home, even if it is a little small and doesn’t have any air conditioning. But #1 would involve me giving up that little nest egg and I really don’t want to do that either. I guess I’m stuck with #2 and living like a fugitive, afraid that at any moment I’ll get a whopper of a bill and try to blag my way out of it. Oh, it’s a tough call.

What would you do?

I’m going to explain the following as a potentially valuable money-saving exercise so that hopefully, if someone from the Park Hyatt should read this, they won’t think I’m just a light-fingered pikey who’ll take anything that isn’t nailed down.* I just returned from a conference in Melbourne and had a fabulous stay in an extremely elegant hotel, where I enjoyed a free upgrade ton a suite bigger than my flat, with fantastic views, as spa bath and a telephone in the toilet. More about that (the stay, not the bog-phone) in the next post. For now, let’s talk theft.

I know I’m not the only person who gets a bit klepto in the hotel bathroom, and this one had lotions and potions aplenty. The bathroom in my suite wasn’t just a room: it was a complex.  It was like an Aladdin’s cave of linen and skincare products. Before I checked out, I couldn’t help myself: I took as much as I could carry. Times are tough and I need to stay smelling nice.

This little haul has bought me an extra fortnight’s showering for free. I call that “complimentary service”. But just when I thought I had explained away a mental illness as fiscal prudence, I remembered that I don’t just stop at hotels. No airline is safe, either:

How on earth can I justify twelve sets of airline socks, eye-masks and disposable toothbrushes? Oh yes: I can’t.

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* I did think about stealing the dressing gown but it just seemed like taking things a bit far. And the complimentary slippers were just awful.

I might have mentioned before, but one of the biggest changes I’ve had to make now I’m living on my own is learning how to budget. James has taught me well and I seem to be managing – just about – to live within my means. Inspired by – and as a tribute to – Bossy’s Daily Poverty Party, I created a little category called “Life on a budget” which I shall fill with all my little tips on how to avoid blowing your entire fortnight’s salary on facials and crisps. Saving is the new spending, after all.

All those years ago when I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and I bimbled around like a lost puppy in search of direction, I put bread on the table by working in a bank.  Two-and-a-half years later I can say that the most important rule I gleaned from the whole experience is this: the only way to save money is NOT TO SPEND IT. It’s a fairly fundamental lesson, I grant you, but I think it’s worth repeating, just in case: you can only save money that YOU HAVEN”T ALREADY SPENT. SO STOP SPENDING.  If you aren’t sure whether you can save or not, think to yourself: “have I already spent this money?” If you have:

• a credit card bill
• a loan
• an overdraft
• a debt to your partner/parents/hamster
• any form of borrowing anywhere at all

then you have actually already spent that money. Saving it will never make you more money than borrowing it costs.  This is my philosophy and it’s served me well since I emerged from the soul-destroying world of apocalyptic personal debt three years ago. However; storing it short term while you wait for the credit card bill to arrive is probably a very good idea.  The problem is, I find, that it’s just lying there in my account, looking at me every time I check my balance. “Spend me!” it says. “Have a few more drinks tonight. You’ll have a better time! Doesn’t it feel good to be naughty? You know you want to-” and then things get a bit less CBA and a bit more xtube and it worries me a bit, not least because their uniforms are the polar opposite of sexy.

I can only tell you to be strong and refer you back to the beginning of this post: you can’t save it if you spend it. To that end, I have been trying to stick to as many zero-dollar days as I can this week. The theory behind this is simple: you can’t spend money yesterday. If you can get through today without spending anything, then all the money you would have spent is still in your account tomorrow. I know the science is complex, but stay with me. If you can repeat this for another day, or maybe even two, then by the day after that you could have twice, or even three times as much unspent money in your bank account! It’s a revelation! Who knew that by NOT spending $10 on lunch, I could be $10 richer the next day? What will they think of next?

I have decided that Monday will be my $0 day from now on. (Household bills, groceries and travel don’t count – I have to spend them and I budget accordingly.) There are a couple of reasons I chose the worst possible day of the week to deny myself even the simplest form of pleasure.  Firstly, I’m quite clearly as mad as a box of frogs; taking that as read, my rationale goes something like this:

• I normally get my groceries on a Sunday, therefore my fridge is full of lovely goodies to eat. I also have time on a Sunday night to prepare tomorrow’s lunch.
• there are good things on television on Monday nights, so why would I want to go out and spend money when I can stay in and entertain myself for free?
• The rest of the week can only get better because nothing can be worse than a Monday with no money, no treats from the coffee shop or the vending machine, and a home-made lunch in a plastic container.

This week I have managed not only Monday, but Tuesday as well. I put this down to beginner’s luck greater confidence in my powers of restraint. I even walked through a shopping mall today and came out without a single purchase! So, impulse purchases aside, had I spent $10 per day on lunch, I would not now be $20 richer than I was this time last week.  I will probably fall off the wagon tomorrow, since I have to buy a stamp. Damn you, Australia Post! You get me every time! $20 may not sound like very much, but that’s one quarter of my monthly Visa bill stored up, and that can’t be bad.

Try it yourself and share your unimaginable frustration let me know how you get on in the comments.