Sven's life in Oz

I’ve been single for almost a month now and it’s inevitable that James and I would eventually start wade out into the hunting grounds of life and start dating other people.  (It’s only been a month so perhaps ‘dating’ is overstating a little, but it will do for now.)  It is a little weird to know that James is out seeing other men but I’m kind of used to the idea now and even (tentatively) starting to talk about who we are each seeing in an effort to be open with one another.  Good friends are honest with one another, after all.  However, moving on presents its own problems and I have a big one.  My name is Sven, and I’m a reboundaholic.

What I don’t know about rebound isn’t worth knowing.  I’ve rebounded on girls after splitting up with a girl; I’ve rebounded on boys after splitting up with a boy.  I’ve rebounded on a boy after splitting up with a girl, and the other way round.  Every combination you can imagine I’ve taken out for a test drive, raced up a mountain road and wrapped around a tree.  I’ve done it enough times to spot that I’ve got a problem.  I was always the one doing the dumping so, for me, it was never about getting back what I had lost or fear of being alone.  For me it’s a desperate attempt to prove that I can get it right.  It’s insidious.  It’s like playing old vinyl on a new record player: it may look shiny and wonderful, but the groove doesn’t change and I end up with the same old tunes every time.

That’s not to say that rebound is all bad.  It’s a great excuse to do things I wouldn’t normally because I’m “having a hard time of it at the moment” (and by ‘things’, I mean parties and people).  But it’s not fun forever, or for everyone.  It can be pretty awkward to regain perspective and then have to ditch your new friends because you realise that you want to keep your job and liver functions.

Despite all this, is a rebound ever not a rebound?  In my attempts to enjoy a ‘controlled rebound’, I have been quite honest and told people that I’m not looking for a relationship.  Does it still count as a rebound if you’re just friends who also sleep together from time to time?  When does it cross the line from a bit of fun to something that will involve an awkward conversation later?  I’ll tell you when: it’s when you start asking questions like these.  When you start wondering if it’s gone too far, it’s already gone too far.  Knowing it’s a rebound doesn’t mean it isn’t a rebound.  If it walks like a duck and it sounds like a duck you might as well call it a duck, because you’ll never turn it into a swan.