Sven's life in Oz

One month on and whenever people ask me about how I am or how we are doing, I have a few stock answers that seem to cover the situation to everyone’s satisfaction. If you get one of these answers when you ask me any of the following, here’s what you can read into it.

Q: How are you getting on living together?
A: Oh, great. We didn’t fall out or anything, we’re just not going out any more.
Means: Fine. It’s like all the best bits of a our relationship with none of the tension. It’s a little weird because some times I find myself wondering why it couldn’t have been more like this when we were together, and reminding myself that we aren’t together for those very reasons. It’s like the anthropic principle of relationships: the answers you seek are the very reasons you can ask the question in the first place. Why do we live in a region of space perfect for life? Because if we didn’t, there wouldn’t be any life. Why do I have an emotional war going on inside me? Because you’re human. Suck it up.

Q: How are you managing? You seem to be holding up well.
A: Yeah, good thanks.
Means: I am in swinging brick mode because daily life does not allow me to fall apart and I do not allow myself to wallow or navel-gaze. To admit that emotionally I am up and down like a bride’s nightie may not seem like a victory to you, but it certainly feels like defeat to me. I am holding up well over all, but I have my low points. I just choose not to show it.

Q: Are you still friends? I’m glad your friendship survived.
A: Me too. He’s still my best friend.
Means: Me too. He’s still my best friend. I really am extremely lucky to have come out of this with a friend like James. Anyone who can refrain from judging you and wish you well, even when you split up with them, is a priceless wonder to be treasured. Hence the uncertainty, second guessing and general confusion. I’m certain that we’ve done the right thing, it’s just hard to see it all the time.