Sven's life in Oz

Australia is an arid, parched land most of the year. Not that we city-dwellers would know it: I turn on the tap and water comes out, so I don’t ask any questions. I seldom think that only a few hours drive away there’s a giant desert the size of Europe where every drop of water is trapped and reused three times before it eventually evaporates away. But the idea that we live in a paradise of perpetual summer is not entirely accurate. It may not ever freeze in the Red Centre, but Sydney gets cold in a hurry when winter arrives and I am never prepared for it.

Before I continue I should  define the term ‘cold’. I am not talking northern hemisphere cold. If it ever snows in Sydney I’ll eat my bobble hat. I don’t think I’ve even seen a frost in the city, although last year the temperature did drop to -1C overnight. The days usually peak at around 12/13C in the coldest period, which may not seem all that frigid to you, but when it’s 30C on an average day a 20-degree drop feels pretty baltic to me.

As usual I caught the first cold of the season, spread it around the office and got it back again with interest. I was feeling smug to have shifted it in two days, little suspecting my colleagues were just looking after it for me. I’m beginning to think I’m some kind of influenza incubator; a common-cold Typhoid Mary just waiting for the next wintry snap to spread my infection like a seasonal plague.

Last week I packed up the fans and rolled out the heaters as my aluminium-framed windows aren’t exactly built for the colder seasons and, this being Sydney, central heating is unheard of. I admitted defeat and accepted the summer was over when I dragged my duvet out of the cupboard and installed it on the bed. I dug my slippers out from the back of the drawer and wrapped myself in a blanket while I watched tv. I am a beaten man.

Winter in Sydney is horrible for two reasons. Firstly, it’s not Christmas. In the UK winter means the end of the year, a winding down from the summer and a ramping up of the party season as we race towards December. Here there’s nothing to look forward to but the return of summer. There’s no Christmas, no New Year and no party season. It’s just an inconvenient three-month interregnum between barbecues and pool parties. And secondly, nothing happens. Everyone rugs up, stays in and waits for the sun to come back. When you live in an outdoors-y nation like this one, you forget how to entertain yourself at home. By September everyone has gone stir-crazy and deathly pale.

At least this year I have three things to look forward to: my holiday in NYC, my birthday and my sister’s wedding. I’m sure that will keep the blues at bay. Now, where did I put that Scrabble?

I’ve been following the weather in Britain with an envious eye since before Christmas – how dare it snow while I am living abroad! – but since the big freeze kicked in shortly after my sister sent me a photo of her snowman, I’m not so jealous any more. While everyone back in the UK battles on in the world’s largest ice rink, I am suffering 35C (87F) days and slowly turning a lovely shade of golden brown (via the obligatory lobster orange). What better way to enjoy the sunshine than to strip off to your underwear and take a train ride through the city with sixty strangers?

Last Sunday was the second annual Sydney No Pants Train Ride (it’s been going in NYC since 2002). Thanks to facebook it is now free and easy to gather a crowd of likeminded individuals and organise them all so they can ride the City Circle for an hour in nought but their underwear. I was amongst them. The plan was simple: get on the train and take your trousers off. Then get off the train in groups along the City Circle, wait on the platform in your undies, and get on the following train. By the end you have a train full of people in no pants. Then you all do a lap of honour and get off at Circular Quay, filing out through the gate one by one before disappearing off into the city. Oh, it was great fun.

Sadly I was too busy acting nonchalant to pay much attention to the reactions of other passengers. I looked like this:

but I am informed that many of the people around us looked like this:

So, after an hour or so of Pride & Prejudice & Zombies (review to follow in a few days), we all made our way to the Opera House for a final photo shoot and to get dressed again. The problem was that none of us actually wanted to put our clothes back on. Did I mention it was 35C? While the rest of the world did the ride in the depths of winter, we were all quite grateful not to have get fully dressed. So we didn’t. We hung around outside like semi-naked tourists for a while:

and then we decided to head for a bar that would serve us in a state of undress. It was a struggle, but we did it. I spent the afternoon meeting some really nice people, eating kangaroo and emu pizzas, and patting myself on the back for choosing a stylish yet practical pair of boxer briefs for the day. Now what shall I wear next year?

Dear Friends,

Sorry not being in touch sooner. I have received one or two reminders to get back in front of the computer and tell you all about Australia, but it has been a little hectic here and the more time that passes the more there is to say so it gets harder and harder to know where to start! Thanks to everyone for your kind messages after my grandad’s death – it was very difficult being so far away, but also easier in some respects and it was lovely of you all to send your wishes.

You can watch a BSL version of this, or read on. (more…)

Can you believe Christmas is nearly here?  Where did the time go?  It’s funny to think that this time last year I was explaining to Jeremy (a work colleague from New Zealand) the benefits of a wintry Christmas and this year James and I are on the other side of the world enjoying the beautiful weather and planning to spend Christmas Day on the beach.  How things change!  I’ll avoid the usual waffling intro rounding up birthday wishes and weddings and just get straight on to the news.

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It seems that all I needed was to get all that off my chest; once I told the truth and shamed my devil I felt much better.  Today, despite the weather predicting rain, thunder and lightening and other apocalyptic harbingers of the Beast, the sun was scorching and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.  My sister and her boyfriend got engaged last week and today was ring-shopping day: they’re getting a temporary ring till they return to the UK to get a proper one.

First we met Jim for lunch (he’s the only one of us with a job, so it was the least we could do):

Then we went and picked a ring for Kara, which was VERY exciting:

Then I bought some stationery which, as we all know, is one of my favourite things in the world, before we all went and hung out by the big Christmas tree in Martin Place:

And now it’s 6pm and I’m drinking Jacob’s Creek on special and looking forward to the weekend.  Oh, and my furniture is released from Customs tomorrow but the delivery company can’t deliver it till after 5 January, so we’re going to pick it up on Monday ourselves.  I knew I didn’t have a job yet for a reason – despite everything, I still get to sleep in my own bed before Christmas.  I’m back, bitches!